Learning to live and to love

Well honestly I dun noe wat to think anymore...

2006-01-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

Not been blogging cos there wasnt anything positive to write about lately anyway. Job sucks as usual. Just got to endure another 1 month and 9 days b4 the shop bites the dust. after that i expect a free for all. haiz.

Been camping a lot lately. only way for me to get my mind off all the unhappy things. if this continues i am gonna reach boiling point soon.

Anyone can tell me what to do ? PLZ!!!

Countdown Party... Not bad lah

2006-01-01T09:23:00.000-08:00

Went to Harbourfront for a last minute countdown party... ahem... apparently my mum got some tickets for it. Got to see some artistes in the flesh... Mostly the performances were from winners of Singapore's music competitions, like School of rock, Teenage singing contest, Superstar. I must say that even though i didnt follow the superstar competition, man they were Good. especially the blind dude Weilian and the Kelly gal. Tanya Chua too dazzled in a sequinned top. And it snowed for a good 3 mins as "Fann" Wong sang 'Eyes on Me' haha. Man she looks like a swan in her translucent top... but sadly she still sang like a duck lol. The rock band performances from the runnerup totally 'rocked' haha. I admire the lead singer man- he had a cast on his leg and was limping around, but that i only realised after he finished the performance. Wow! Also saw 2 lame singers as well, but that i shant elaborate haha...

Then Gurmit and Michelle Chia came to start the countdown. It was Gre-eat. The fireworks were awesome. Stayed awhile for the last dance performance after that, then went to the hawker centre for supper.

Well at least a new years eve tat was worth remembering for a while... Weeeeeeeeee HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!!

Christmas... yet the dawn of another new year...

2005-12-24T08:36:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas all... i guess... been reading news reviews of the year 2005...

2005 was a year to forget personally. Let me reflect a bit... Many many things happened this year in the world.. We got Hurricane Katrina devastating the US... the death of John Paul II... the longstanding Iraq issue which continues to trigger backlashes... Terror attacks in London... the threat of avian bird flu (H5N1 virus)... the law of dying: euthanasia(Terri Schiavo case)... earthquake in pakistan... the most catastrophic tsunami in history...

Just thinking of all the suffering happening around the world makes me feel so grateful and lucky to be in good old singapore. haha. I guess singapore fits me perfectly fine... boring but safe (hmmph i guess that could describe me haha).

On a more personal note... 2005 was yet another non-achievement year. Worked my socks off the entire year without getting anything to show for it... social life too almost non existent... cant continue anymore.

To get on with things... I wish for better things to come in 2006, for myself and the world.
Lemme see... then again... i will reserve that for the new year- my resolutions haha.

Luv u all...
Now if only I would feel love...
then I would not fear loneliness...

Merry Christmas again...

New phone...

2005-12-16T09:45:00.000-08:00

Btw i got a new phone today to replace my dying one...

With luck i can post some pics here... Just as long as i can get a cable...

Sibei Suay...What can i say...

2005-12-16T09:18:00.000-08:00

Sibei sian day. Didnt want to blog one. but sibei tulan at 11.30pm.

Camping halfway... My new phone rang. Picked up. "Hi, i am calling from digital alarm. Your internal sensor tripped." Farking alarm system!!!

@#$% was all i could say.In a somewhat agitated tone, i asked what to do. She asked me whether i want them to send police down. zzz... wtf... I then asked her" We still need to go down to disarm the alarm rite?" She said yes. I asked for more details, then some 'senior' interrupted and asked who will be going down. I told her i will check out first, then call her back.

So i proceeded to call Jean. Crap lah. Lan Lan still have to go down anyway. Grumbles Grumbles...

So i went out and took a cab. "Uncle, Hougang Central." Along the way I told him about the !@#$ing suay and buay ganz alarm system. After a while i koonz a bit. Reached at about 12.10pm. Ran to the shop quickly, half expecting some form of drama. Chey-y-y-y! No sound lor. and the gate is still locked lor. !@#$ lah!

So i proceeded like a good boy to call Digital alarm. " Well i reached the shop. Nothing seems to be wrong."
I opened the gate and disarmed the system. Sibei tulanz. I called Digital Alarm again. " ok theres nothing wrong. No break-in or anything. So what do i do now?" She told me to reset, then arm the system again. Sibei bo liao! I kao pei to her, then she said the alarm sensor is 'very' sensitive, even cockroach can trigger one. WTF!

I asked her if happen again how, she told me i could request to ignore it. NOW thats more like it. If i still need to go down again, THATS IT LOR!!!

!@#$%^&*
Took coincidentally the same taxi again on the way back. Kao pei to the driver tat its was a farking waste of time. 'False Alarm lah, sibei sianz'. Reached home at about 1pm. Tired like fark. Taxi fare total was close to $40 bucks... zzz waste of time and $$$...

Yet another reason why i hate my job... GTG...

Mindless Youths...Not me bwahaha...

2005-12-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

Been reading the newspapers these few days...

A few articles caught my eye. Yes they were about youth violence. If u remember, there was a young indian chap who got his entire hand chopped off while he was warding off a parang attack. (Yes- that happened in good old singapore somewhere in jurong in plain sight of everyone) What shocked me was not that his hand was repaired( somehow thank god for medical miracles), but the brutality of the attack. What was worse was that it wasn't over anything i would consider worth fighting over for (not that any reason could be condoned-haha). It was in short- essentially a "u stare at me i stare at u, u make me buay song, i hantam u"-affair.

Why do they consider such extreme measures? hmmm... i wonder- to show off their manliness? or to unleash their long pented up sword fighting skills-keke? The fact is they never considered the consequences of their actions- like that the poor victim could die, or become a vegetable, or that they could be jailed, caned, or just as disastrously, 'hanged' (gulp) for their actions. Yes i mean hanged like a dead man.

Another article left me shocked and gutted- that the youths who committed all these criminal deeds basically were in heck-care moods, 'its all about me and damn the rest' kinda attitude. Does it mean that the next time i look at someone on the street, the next moment i would be hacked at by some sword wielding pai kia? That is plain scary, like something out of a horror movie.

I would basically just say this to them: oi, next time u wanna play swordfighting or watever, do it in front of the police station lah. U dare chop people so 'wu ji', but run away after that is really 'sibei bo ji lor'.

To be a man is to be able to face up to the consequences of your actions. If you think u cant handle the consequences, then dun be a 'farker' and continue to do it. This applies in everyday life. Call me a wuss if u must, but I always think before i leap.

Enuff of all this bullshit liao lah... time to sleep... bye!!!

Lost for words...

2005-12-09T08:08:00.000-08:00

The past few days were pretty quiet...

Watched Chicken Little- pretty lame show as i expected, but very funny.
went to Devils on wed til 3am- walked in the rain for 15 mins to clear my head oh groggy me...
Missed my run on thurs becos of a dumb meeting- absolutely bullshit...
Hating my work all the way (as usual :( )

Anyway the world cup first round draw is starting soon... Not in the mood for anything now...

Will come back soon...

My mind's a blank...

2005-11-30T08:31:00.000-08:00

Didnt post a entry yesterday cos i literally 'fainted' while typing. (Meaning i fell asleep) So tiring man...becos i was in a mess the whole day... lucky jean was around... the 'garfield'=(just noe how to eat and relax guy) was loaned somewhere...the projector bulb blew... contact lenses went awol... demonic customers asking for the sky...and so much more... especially since i was given the 'ice' treatment by jean :( BOOHOOHOO!!!

Anyway woke up today to a 'hairdryer' meeting session. The OM spared me today. She raised everyones target by a insane margin (including mine) but didnt make a big fuss about mine. i guess she knew tat it would take a miracle to save this customer forsaken shop. (keke i seem to have given up too) Still it would be a helluva insane miracle if we can pull it off. hear tat jean?- u can do it!!! Still praying for 'garfield' to wake up and 'work', (i tink i can pray til the cows come home).

jean had to go another outlet to help out, leaving me alone in the shop again. as usual it turned out to be a 'no customer' day. got railed at when i reported. what to do?- i said. I cant perform magic u noe ARGH!!! I might be alone again tml. Super sad...

Had supper at 11plus with my budds. cheered up considerably. wats the deal with chicken little anyway?
Seems like everyone i noe wants to watch the chicken prance around like a headless( yes i noe pardon the pun) chicken...

COME ON COME ON!!! DUN SLACK OFF!

2005-11-30T08:28:00.000-08:00

Snoopy!!!

Tomorrow will be better...

2005-11-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

Today was just plain awful. I felt sick. Period. Utterly stressed over this and that. Hated it.

It all started when she dropped by for an unexpected visit. OMG. She reduced me to a trembling nervous wreck. I dun noe if jean noticed. Looks like i was right about not being ready to see her again. At times i just felt totally breathless to the point of hyperventilating, and all the hurt came back to engulf me in flames. My mind kept spewing the same lines over and over again. Why was i so silly? Why did i allow myself to be hurt again? Didnt i already put it behind me? Wishful thinking. I hate myself for not having the willpower to break free of this vicious shackle.

Looking back, it has not been such a happy month after all. Nothing going at work or at home either. I have got colleagues who have given me headaches just thinking about it. One is just plain bo chup to the point it amazes me. Just book in and book out and dont give a damn. (just like in the army haha) i have given up already on him. I just am happy if he doesnt give me any trouble, nvm letting me do all the work. The other colleague(if u are reading this) i must say has been a good friend and colleague. But unfortunately she has a host of problems which i wouldnt elaborate too much about, which ultimately affects her mood and mine too. Sigh... never mind the fact that i am getting sick of the endless complaints and stuff. WHY???Why ME???

At least i get some peace at home. Whew. and my buddies are always available to 'camp' with me.

Anyway i am gonna punish myself physically tomorrow. No turning back now. Ever. Peace.

My first post- nothing much to say...

2005-11-27T07:58:00.000-08:00

Honestly i did create a blog before, but wasnt actually motivated to continue posting haha. I guess sometimes the time taken to post an entry puts me off, but when i reflect back on certain aspects of my life i think its good to pen down how i felt, as a form of 'catharsis'. http://www.mindspring.com/~phelpsm/papers/cathar.htm

dunno how i should start on my first post. hmm...

Lets just say tat i am a very poor little guy searching for his own identity in this fast changing society. I would say i have not seen too much of the outside yet to make judgement, but what i have heard makes my stomach churn and me wanna roll up into a ball. Sometimes i wish the world aint so complicated, and everything would be perfectly fine, but tats just me with idealistic thinking. Often i would ask myself why i shun myself from socializing more, but i had my own share of bad experiences to make up for it. Therefore tat puts me in a shell as a result.

So much has happened in my life lately, and i could hardly breathe.

Now i am quite the reticient guy, and it takes a lot for me to actually put my feelings into action. The past 2-3 weeks have really been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. For the first time in my life i experienced intense feelings for a gal, and endured a week of sleepless nites as a result. What i was not ready for was the pain of rejection... But then again i learned from the experience anyway. 'the first is always the most painful'- tats what ppl always say. Life goes on haha.

Enuff of this catharsis stuff.

Btw i solemnly declare that i am resolved to making exercise a part of my life. i wanna respect my body a lot more. tats means some changes are in store- less junk food, more exercise- u get the idea. On Tuesday i will hit the track and the pool for some serious workout. hmm wonder how long b4 i can get my abs into shape??? :)

Time to camp a bit before sleeping. More later...